razördolls.com

Last Wednesday and Thursday I was having heart flutters. It was pretty damn scary. Those flutters stopped. That was a relief of sorts until for some stupid reason I decided less then 3 days after having heart flutters to play hockey... the fastest human sport in the world. A sport where your blood pressure should resemble ole'faithful's before it explodes. Why did I decide to do that? Anyone? Anyone? Because I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. It's like... "Hey dude I have coronary heart disease!" "Sweeeet, you want this case of Red Bull?" "OMGZ!!!11 YES!" "Ok dude, but you have to drink it all at once and take two hits of XTC." "Okiedokie!" Middle of hockey - boom - chest pains. I play for another hour (one time Flyers goalie had a heart attack during a game, played the rest of the game, then went to hospital). I tried to emulate but realized I don't have a fully staffed medical crew at my disposal. So I leave, I go home, shower, freak out because (as usual) I think I'm dying. My mom (as usual) says I'm not dying. But we do talk about going to the doctor, because, well, chest pains... not something to ignore. She tells me how my dad's side of the family in general is heart attack central. My father had a heart attack at 51. A mild one, but he had an angioplasty and stents and stuff. I try taking my post-hockey nap, but the Flyers are on, so I stay up for it. I felt fine when I was laying down, it was getting back up that pissed it off. Went to my Aunt's for Easter lunch/dinner? It was technically at like 3pm. No appetite really, but I managed to get down some ham and beans. It actually made the uncomfortable knot in my chest go away. The rest of the time I stayed upstairs away from the smoke and booze and watched movies with my uncle. Before we left my mom told me it was probably heart burn. AHA! Yes! Finally something to brush away the fears. Throw it on to something else less life threatening. Heart burn, my savior. We get home, I'm feeling better already just putting it aside as heartburn. I'm talking it up and shit. Yalla yalla weee. I eventually take the Pepcid Complete. It worked (in my mind at least). I go to bed. I wake up about 2 hours ago feeling like shit. The knot is back in my chest. I just had roughly 8 hours of sleep, but I'm exhausted. Not dizzy or lightheaded, but I feel like I just got done playing hockey for 5 hours. No appetite again, although I am slowly eating some matzo (matzah). Of course, the Monday from hell, I have a test review, an actual test, and 9 hours of work after. I emailed out of work, and emailed my first professor to email me the review notes so I can study. But I got about 20 minutes to decide to take this second test today or later. I'll probably take it today. Or I'll at least get on the road in my development and decide whether or not to turn around. I at first made a doctor's appointment for 3:40pm on Tuesday, but I then decided not to go to work and to try to find a slot today, which I did, at 1pm. So I'm going to the doc's at 1 today. And I'm fairly certain that it'll end up at GERD or something. Either way I'm still getting the EKG, cholesterol check, and stress test done as a precautionary measure. I've been overweight, ex-smoker, and a Schreffler for 21 years so I'm already destined for a young death. And these days it's so easy to stop bad things from happening if you get to them soon enough. I just don't see the point in not getting checked up. There are also reasons for me to think it isn't just easily GERD, and indeed a heart condition. Back in high school I was grossly overweight up until senior year thanks to Mr. Atkins. But in 10th grade I had 2 gym classes, the freshman gym and the sophomore gym class. Very fun, especially for a fat kid. So of course I get the track coach as a gym teacher. He ran me senseless. I lost a lot of weight because of that man (which I put back on pretty quickly). But he also gave me heart palpitations. Ever since then really not everything has been platinum. I hate heart-related illnesses. So deceiving. You'd expect a fat ass slob to have a heart attack, but sometimes marathon runners have them. People in pristine shape keeling over. Cholesterol through the roof. Their arteries blocked 90%. I consider myself active. I play drums and hockey. I also don't consider myself the most obese person my age. And to be honest. It pisses me off that I have chest pains, when Krissy Krispy Kreme in my math class lives her live chest-pain free but has a handicap tag because she is so damned fat. Her problems will come, I'm sure of it. With hypertension and high blood pressure, sure, she's gonna get it worse then me, but all I care about right now is the present to be honest. I've either got a bad case of heartburn, or my heart is freaking out. And I'm 21. I don't mind when God throws a curveball in there like tendonitis and testicular cysts (both which I've gotten/have), but damn! I'm gonna take that test. Ill be back later. Show me your boobs.